This is probably in bad taste.

Even though I am about to hold a bachelor's degree in psychology from NYU, this is all I'm qualified to do.  Let's see what's ailing these little fluffy rabbits who just don't want to live anymore.

Oh dear.  It seems this little bunny was suffering from some form of eating disorder, perhaps anorexia.  Unable to cope with her distorted body image, this bunny ended her life and was literally crushed by the weight of her disease.

Ah, it is possible that this little rabbit suffered from histrionic personality disorder.  His crippling need for attention and obsession over appearances eventually spelled his doom.  Blinded by jealousy of his fellow body builder, he failed to see how this sabotage would lead to his demise.

Caught between two opposing forces, it appears that this bunny suffered from rapid cycling bipolar disorder.  The poor thing couldn't handle the crazy highs and devastating lows.  Mood swings literally tore her in two.

I'm really sorry.  I'm feeling kind of dark today.

Weirdos

Today I encountered a number of weirdos.

1.  Weird lady with a poncho comes into the restaurant (it was my last day FINALLY).  "Is there jam?"  "Yes! It's on the table."  I turn around to see the woman sitting at the buffet that's displayed on the bar.  She pulled up a chair and plopped next to the muffin display.  I didn't even know what to say.

2.  Man eating breakfast with his wife.  Winks at me from across the room like we're friends with an inside joke.  Again I am speechless. 

3.  Angry girl in my Torah class (yea I occasionally attend Jewish classes).  We were discussing how it's important to listen to others' opinions, which was totally over her head.  She was going on and on about how it's obnoxious to repeat what others say (as in, Ok, I hear you saying A, but I think B).  I said that it can be a good way to understand other people's opinions but she kept saying "You can't be sure they were doing it nicely, you can't interpret it that way! It's obnoxious!"  Then I said "I think you're just taking the obnoxious interpretation."  She flipped out and called me rude and guess what else? OBNOXIOUS!

4.  Dramatic girl on the street.  On the phone: "Mom!  I can't live like this!  I can't take this anymore!"  Followed by dramatic sobbing.  I'll never know what she was so upset about.

I might be quirky, weird, and goofy...but at least I'm sane.

Maybe I'm speaking another language...

So about 2 weeks ago I quit my waitressing job at a hotel restaurant…or at least I thought I did.  I said “I need to stop working.”  And my manager said “Ok I’ll try to have you out of here in a few weeks.”  I’m not sure that’s how quitting works.  April is a busy month for me – like many important things happening, not just a bunch of doctors appointments - so him saying I’ll be done by the end of the month was not really comforting.

So anyway, I was still working there last weekend.  Now, the weekend kitchen-bus boy dude is very creepy.  Every time I walk in his face lights up – not in an “I’m happy to see you” kinda way, but in a “I’m raping you with my eyes” kinda way.  It’s very unsettling.  I try to stay on my side of the kitchen door, but when he comes out, I make sure to send him on some kind of errand far, far away from me.  But this past Sunday I wasn’t thinking on my feet.  He snuck up behind me and said “¿Cansada bonita?”  Startled, I took a few steps to the side, but I was basically trapped behind the breakfast counter.  “Ha ha…sí, estoy cansada.”  So apparently “yes, I’m tired” translates to “please give me a massage” because that’s what he started to do.  He started rubbing his creepy little hands on my shoulders.  Thank the lord, a customer came in so I scampered away.  This never would have happened had quitting worked like I thought I was supposed to.

So I was also STILL working this morning.  And I was hit by the swinging kitchen door FOUR TIMES!  Back! Head! Arm! Other arm!  Then 10:30 AM finally rolled around and I could finally start closing up.  When a couple walked in...

Me: Oh, I’m sorry, we’re closed.

Couple: You make us bagel?

Me:  No, I’m sorry, we’re closed.

Couple:  Bagel?

Me:  *Sigh…I make you bagel. 

After making the bagel…and a hot chocolate…and a coffee, I finally got to go home. 

Working at this restaurant job has made me question how people understand the words that are coming out of my mouth.  I think I’m speaking English but…I guess people are hearing different things.