Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Why Busses Rock!

Can you feel the luxury?
Everyone knows that every time you see a long line for something it must be awesome!  Free cone day at Ben and Jerry's: awesome with an awesomely long line.  Super crazy roller coaster: super long line.  The same goes for riding the school bus! 

I can feel the toxins oozing out of me!
Oh, yes.  You can have the privilege of waiting impatiently to enter this giant yellow pleasuredome.  Not only is the bus free transportation, it's also a day spa! 

As soon as you walk through those doors, you instantly feel the steamy, sauna-like air hit you in the face.  Within seconds all of your impurities will be dripping away! 

Now that you have a nice cleansing sweat going, you can pick any seat you'd like.  If you crave the aromatherapy of early morning smog, then choose a lovely window seat.  Let the carbon monoxide lull you into a sense of calm and well being.

Hello gorgeous ;)
Window seats also have the added benefit of a free blow-out, giving that tousled look to your too-smooth and overly polished hair.  That professional coif you spent 20 minutes perfecting doesn't enhance your natural beauty anyway. 

Speaking of nature! Want more of Mother Nature in your face?  While you gaze out of the window, enjoy as the occasional tree branch actually reaches in and brushes your cheeks, lips, and corneas.  The bark will exfoliate your skin into next Tuesday!

So silky!

If you feel out of alignment and need every bone in your body jostled into place, then the back of the bus is right for you!  Ate too much for breakfast?  Sit anywhere to receive the benefit of the "Quease Cleanse."  A few minutes of continuous swaying will allow you to "evacuate" that excess food in no time! 

Now that your trip is almost over, don't forget your complimentary leg wax!  Feel your legs get smoother as they delicately peel off of the genuine vinyl seating, leaving all your unwanted hair behind.  Feel beautiful? Feel sexy?

I know, you don't want to leave - and that's ok!  You get to spend even more time in this bus spa as you wait in line to re-enter the real and less luxurious world. The best part? You get to do it all again at the end of the day!

Thursday, June 24, 2010

New York vs. Philadelphia: Subways

Hello all!  I know it's been a while, but I'm in teacher boot camp so I hardly have any time to blog it up. This next entry is first in a new series that I'm calling "A tale of two cities: New York vs. Philadelphia."  Enjoy my comparison of the public transportation system.

New York Subway Map 
Philadelphia Subway Map
Super-sized rats vs. Petite "ratettes"
Sweet Swiping!

Too-Cool Tokens!
Arm crushing doors vs. Gradually sliding doors
Hard bench seats
Hard row seats
Inaudible announcements vs. More inaudible announcements

Sunday, June 6, 2010

The Kiss of Death

I recently told this story to a friend and I think it's blog-worthy.

My kiss is lethal.
But let me start from the beginning.  In elementary school, my friend Caitlin and I were superior frog catchers (in addition to being professional tree-climbers, bee hunters, film makers, and fort builders).  We caught everything from big bull frogs to little toads.  Once, we caught almost 100 tiny little frogs that we found in my backyard - no joke.  Another time we "saved" tadpoles from the pond in my backyard (a perfectly fine habitat, in retrospect) by moving them to a nearby stream (which led into said pond).

One time, I caught a frog and played with it for a while.  We grew to be friends.  I named him Kermit (creative, no?) and we had the best time.  I made him dance, I poked his eyes, I made him hop around...he had a blast.  After our antics I decided that he should go back to his family, so I walked him to the pond.  (Now, I can't quite remember if Caitlin was with me that day, but if she was I have a sneaking suspicion that she dared me to do this.)  When it was time to say farewell, I decided to double check that Kermit wasn't a prince.  (After all, we had had such a nice time together and wouldn't it be nice to have such a fun-loving guy in my life?) So I kissed him.  Nothing major, just a small peck.  Sadly, he remained a frog.  With a sigh I said "goodbye Kermit!" and tossed him ceremoniously into the water.

I expected to see my little buddy swim away, but instead I saw him float slowly to the top of the water.  "Kermit?" He flipped belly up. "Kermit!" What had I done?  My kiss was the kiss of death!  What had once been a chipper little frog was now the victim on my venomous lips. 

I ran as far as I could from the scene of the crime.  I washed my face and brushed my teeth, trying to scrub away my sin.  Later that night, as I laid in bed, I could hear the familiar sound of bull frogs croaking.  I could have sworn they were chirping "MURDERER!"

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Bon Appetit 2

I've been going a little crazy because I can't really unpack all my stuff but I also can't really pack it.  I'll be living in a state of flux until June 22nd when I can pack some of my stuff and go to "Institute" (a.k.a. teaching boot camp).  When I feel disorganized in this way, I calm my nerves by creating things - food, art projects, etc.  I've been doing a lot of cooking, so I thought I'd write another cooking post.  This culinary episode actually occurred about a month ago.  Enjoy Pioneer Woman's Onion Strings!

I'm having trouble making these posts look decent.  Oh well.